


Codename: Failed Plan

by tatsuhime



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Abuse, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blood, Brainwashing, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Prologue Bad End Based, Some sexual stuff, Substance Abuse, Violence, Worry not though I have fluff and happiness sprinkled in there too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-15 15:15:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8061409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatsuhime/pseuds/tatsuhime
Summary: You're stuck in a state of being between forgiveness and resentment. Hollowness carved from 'medicine' and fullness acquired from 'reunion'. And you think about the beginning and middle and can almost see the end on the horizon for both of your stories. 
(Saeran/Reader) & (707/MC)
Spoilers for 707's Route and both Secret Endings. Warnings (if any) will be listed at the top of the chapters.





	1. Hospital

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, okay! So, I've been wanting to write a Saeran/Unknown fic for his prologue bad end for a while and I've figured out at least the general plot of it. This story, however, skips around in the timeline with only a few chapters following each other chronologically. The reader for this fic is basically the 'Failed Plan MC' for the prologue but the actual MC of the game (if you don't mess up the prologue or bad ends) will be in this game as well! Thank you for reading and I hope you all enjoy it!

 

You're not surprised to see his brother there. Although, his hazel eyes widen at the sight of you with a potted flower in your hands. It's quite for a moment before he invites you in, telling you Ukno--...Saeran that you're here. You shouldn't be here when he's here. You're intruding upon his chance to repair what Rika and V had damaged. He's kind enough to usher you inside gently, however, and you don't exactly refuse his gesture.

The hospital room is painfully bright. White and light and too different from the confinement of the darkly lit rooms and hallways back at Mint Eye's building. You're drenched in a palette of colours you want to escape from by instinct but you couldn't even begin to comprehend how Saeran must have felt while being trapped in here.

Gripping the flower pot close, your feet shuffle across the floor, earning a few squeaks from the soles of your shoes. You're shattering a tense peace. Suddenly you don't want to be here. Even with Saeran being the most vulnerable he's ever been and your desperation to help, you don't want to be here and have to fight back the urge to drop the pot and run away from the scene. His brother closes the door behind you with a soft bang, effectively forcing you to confront what you had come to fear. Saeran's not looking at you when you set the pot down next to him and you're suddenly grateful for its purple tint.

He's staring at some place out at the sky. You gather that he wants to be out there. He looks calm for the first time in so long and your chest hurts a bit.

"Hey," you call. You won't use his name. Not yet. He's not ready for this yet.

His movements are slow when he focuses his attention on you. There's a brief flash of recognition across his face. He thinks you can't notice the way he relaxes slightly but you do. The softness is gone, though, only replaced by bitterness sweeping across his face as he recalls what role you played in landing him in this damn bright place full of people he would find joy in ending. You've been ready for this but it only dulls the ache a tiny bit that's bloomed in your chest. You're a traitor to him. He won't see you as anything else other than that. You helped V at the last possible moment -- when he finally had his brother so close and his revenge was gently brushing against his fingertips. And you were part of the reason it was taken away.

"What are you looking at?" He hisses, bunching up the hospital blankets in his fist.

You feel his brother's gaze on the side of your face. He's like Saeran, assessing and analyzing but won't intrude upon the situation.

"Why are you here?" He expects you to flinch but you don't. He's not going to be able to do those things he sometimes threatened and sometimes did anymore. You've emerged as the stronger party after all of this.

"I came to see you."

"I don't need you here."

"I know...I brought you flowers."

"I don't care about them!" He raises his voice but you remain ever calm.

Then, without warning, you feel a jerk forward and pressure on your neck. Saeran has his hand gripped onto your throat, stopping the flow of breath almost instantly. Your mind seemingly shuts itself off to protect you from what's happening. His brother has already leaped to his feet and has his hand on Saeran's wrist, pulling and tugging to pry the death grip off of your only pathway for oxygen to circulate throughout your body. It's rough but you laugh. It sounds like a wheeze and it makes you feel sick inside. You find it so comical that you want to giggle and scream and cry. You're here but you can't do anything for him. He won't even allow you to attempt to rationalize everything with him.

Saeyoung- you learn his name after this - manages to rip Saeran's hand from your throat. You stumble back and Saeyoung's quick to physically place himself in front of you, blocking your view but not your ears.

"Traitor! You damn traitor!"

You can't discern whether he's screaming at his brother or you. You're both something similar to scum in his eyes. Traitors - abandoning him when he relied on them. It doesn't matter because soon your ears hear nothing but faint buzzing. He's cursing at you, you're sure. Maybe the nurses had run in during everything but you don't remember. All you process is the screaming and etching every word into your memories to be filed perfectly along with the rest of the them.

It's not until Saeyoung has shoved your phone back in your hand that you realize he's hastily gotten you outside and entered in his number before rushing back inside the room to care for his brother. You get to the end of the hallway, still perplexed by the events. Shifting your eyes to your phone, you vaguely remember to save the number before leaving the hospital behind. Occasionally, your gaze shifts back to the shrinking building behind you before you swallow a lump that gathers in your throat each time and push forward towards your home.

You feel it, though. His hatred that sticks onto your back and drags you down into the ground and back into that hell called Magenta.

You've resigned yourself to just slowly take your presence away from the narrative. There's no point in you being in it. Not that you felt there ever was to begin with. You were just a chance happening in this long, elaborated story created by others. Saeran gets to stay in it along with his brother (who's desperately pulling together the past with the present in hopes of constructing a mended future), but you...you're fine with just fading out of it if it meant that this cycle would cease.


	2. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: kidnaping situation for anyone that's uncomfortable with that. 
> 
> Yeah, it's time for chapter two to be the start of the chronological order that I'm inevitably going to mess up in an attempt to not make this story seem too long to me when I write it lol. This chapter will have a few sequel chapters. I'm expecting to finish editing them and maybe scratching one before time hopping into the timeskip presented in Secret02 from when the Choi twins make-up and the engagement party.

  [ you ] : 'There's nothing here.'

  It's a lie that sinks to the bottom of your stomach. It turns your lungs into liquid but your conscience tells you this is all a trap or, at the very least, something unreliable. You're naive and gullible but even rationality could find its way to dictate your every move when needed. The numbers on the lock stare back at you, taunting you for your dishonesty. 

  No. This is right. This isn't your place. You have no right to enter someone else's apartment, even if it was for a benign reason. 

  [ unknown ] : 'Really?'

  [ unknown ]: 'That's strange.'

  Your heart drops because you have that oddly itching sensation burst forth, preparing you for the worst.

  [ unknown ] : 'I see with my own eyes that...'

  Your hand shakes.

  [ unknown ] : 'You are standing in front of a password door lock.'

  It's over.

  [ unknown ] : 'Are you gonna continue lying?'

  You're caught.

  The air turns chilly. Once warm breezes become a lukewarm mixture of tension and realization. You think about running but when you pick flight over all other options and turn around on your heel, he's right there behind you.

  Pale. Everything about him was lacking in color or brightness. Skin as white as ice as if the sun had never kissed it before. His eyes are far too light of a green; they're how the smell of mint looks. They're crips and breathtaking and they frighten you. HIs hair is bleached white, holding light dusts of red at the end of his fluffy locks. 

  Face half covered with a black mask makes him appear like some kind of undertaker, ready to whisk you away to some dark place, and what you could see of his face is void of any feelings. His jacket is draped past is shoulder on one side and the tattoo of an eye surrounded by intricate designs seems to smile at you, thoroughly enjoying the fear that was slowly creeping up your legs and restricting your motions. 

  You won't be able to overpower him. One glance at his lean body and you realize your fear will weaken you.

  "The plan failed," he speaks, his voice almost demonic from a voice synthesizer. It kicks forth something hot up your spine and you find yourself being anxiously patient for an opening.

  "I'll have to find someone else."

  You shuffle back, grip on your phone increasing.

  A smirk finds a way onto his face underneath his mask, the outline showing up perfectly, as he reduces the distance a bit. Enough to keep you on edge but not enough to cause you to immediately rush away.

  Assembling your courage, you hiss a question. "Who the hell are you?!"

  "You don't need to know."

  It's probably better if you didn't. In fact, you were content with not knowing at all.

  "What should I do with you?"

  "L-Leave me alone..." It disgust you at how your voice turns feeble and retreats back into silence.

  He smiles once more. He must be getting a kick out of this. "I'd like to let you go but you already know me. Sorry, but you'll have to come with me."

  No.

  "I could just get rid of you..."

  No. No.

  "But that'd be a shame."

  No. No. NO.

  "You're so cute. You can be my assistant. Right...he said he had an assistant. I'd like one too. Should I use...you?"

  He starts approaching you with the same expression a child has when they've found a newly acquired toy they want. And you'd expect that toy would be ruined before he moved on to the next one to toss around. Demeaning and playful. He doesn't consider you a human. You're just a cute, little toy to take and play around with until the interest is gone.

  "Come here. I'll be good to you."

  "No..."

  Amusement briefly flashes though his eyes. He's prepared for the chase, already knowing the outcome.

  "Nonsense," he replies, his voice light, "If you don't come with me...I'll have to find a way to destroy the information you know but you're not a computer so I can't just delete you..."

  "S-Stay away."

  "Well, you never had a choice anyways."

  Run.

  "Now, let's go. I'll be nice."

  Lie.

  "I'm a much better person than him."

  "No!"

  In a matter of moments, you've ripped your bad and flung it at him with as much force as you can summon. It sails for his head and he's forced to shield himself. However, it's a blessing for you. It gives you an opening to sprint past him. You attempt to formulate a plan for how to handle the situation and your first thought is to get in contact with the police. If you manage that, then the chance of you making it through this goes up enough to give you some hope.

  Elevator or stairs. The elevator will take too long so you rush for the stairs, taking a giant leap from the top stair to the bottom one. The impact numbs your ankle and lower legs and you stumble a bit before regaining a steady stance and descending the stairs. You almost trip as you hold up your phone and frantically punch in the number for the local authorities. 

  With a quick glance, a sign on the side of the stairwell, lets you know you've made it to the twelfth floor in those few moments but you don't stop there. Your steps are so quick. Occasionally you misstep but always manage to keep your pace, watching the as the numbers grow smaller and smaller with each stair. 10...8...5...3...

  And you hear nothing at the second floor. There's no sound of footsteps coming for you. No shouts. No panting. Just an eery silence that threatens to choke you from the suspense. You're expecting him to jump out from one of the shadows in the hallways or even to land in front of you from a window but no such thing occurs. Although you slow down your descent, you don't trust this completely and hit the button to call.

  Connecting to the police is agonizingly slow. Once you reach the ground level of the apartment complex, you quickly crouch in the open space next to the staircase, breathing in large amounts of oxygen to steady your heartbeat and wiping off the sweat from your forehead. It's slightly dark with the staircase above and beside you and you pray it'll conceal you long enough as to request some help from the police.

  "What's your emergency?"

  Oh, God. How do you even begin...?

  "U-Um--" It's difficult to speak but you push your voice through your mouth. "S-Someone tried to, uh--" It's still so hard to believe it as a small sob escapes your lips. "Take me. K-Kidnap me. I don't know..I just...Oh my God."

  The person on the other end advises you to calm down and you resist the urge to snap at them. Calm down? They're expecting you to calm down instantly with what almost happened to you. 

  "Tell me where you are right now."

  "Huh? Oh, an apartment complex. It was..." The image of the address is a bit of a blur but you manage to call forth enough of it to remember it completely and stutter it out so that they could hear. You just hope it's the right one.

  The words 'Please hurry' are about to come out when they're abruptly stopped by a hot hand against your mouth. He grips onto your wrist that was holding your phone, crushing your bones enough to elicit a muffled cry and the dropping of your phone onto the ground. You try to rip yourself free but his grasp upon you is far too strong and it feels like he's trying to dig his skin into yours like barbed wire to stop you. Blocked screams kept coming from your mouth as your face became crimson and your chest became tight from the lack of air being pulled into your body. Before you can focus on the voice from the phone, he's quick to yank you up so you can stand.

  His hand detaches from your wrist for a split second before it reaches around to enclose both of your arms to your body, effectively caging you against his chest. You stomp and kick but nothing ceases or falters his predator-like grip. He can hear your heartbeat banging from your pulse points, hearing the tempo of fear speed up and up until your heart is about to stop from the intensity of the situation. 

  You fight even if you know it's futile against. You'll struggle until the very last moment of freedom has been snatched away so cruelly from you. But your thrashing does little more than make a few soft noises mixed with the occasional stomp of you foot and you already comprehend that it's too late to think about escaping. 

  "Didn't I tell you?" His voice brings out a strangled cry along with a shudder. He lets out a low laugh. "How cute."


	3. Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we'll only be having another chapter that follows chronology before we do some time jumping a bit so I can start building up the romance a bit. I'm going to say sorry for those that want to see some actual heartfelt romance occur while the reader is in Mint Eye. You'll likely not get anything intense like loving smooches and stuff like that. I don't really want to...romanticize such a situation like that. 
> 
> I want to be able to portray such a situation as realistically as I can. I don't want people to read this and think that being brought into a religious cult involuntarily and being used as well is a good or desired thing. I don't want to portray the reader character as someone who is perfectly fine with that nor do I want to portray them as being able to get over it too quickly so that the 'happy end' will rush. 
> 
> My wish is that this story takes quite a few chapters to finish and that with each chapter I get to demonstrate some aspect of the reader character and Unknown/Saeran's relationship as they have to basically start at zero and recreate their relationship enough so that mutual, romantic feelings can exist. You feel?
> 
> In any case, thank you for the kudos, bookmarks, and comments! They really keep me motivated!

  The car ride is silent. Your vision is filled with changing scenery: the plate buildings with splashes of color and glass that people swarm around and then the lime-hued tops of trees and shrubbery. The outlines of trees are surrounded by a slowly fading darkness. You know you'll be lost in a moment if you wander into it. That thought strikes you a few times as hope bangs on your heart, pushing you to at least consider escaping.

  Your body refuses to attempt, though. He'll be on you before you can get far enough away.

  The doors are locked anyway. Your phone is nothing more than a shattered mess at the floor of the car. Unconnected images of the past couple hours flood your mind as you glance to your side.

  He hadn't said much since the ride had started. By much, you mean an instruction to not try to escape laced with underlying threats of how he would drag you back and 'see that you're properly disciplined'. 

  "Cutie." 

  Ugh. That nickname makes your stomach churn with frothing hatred and chilly fear. Prayers go up for him to cease. It's sickening enough that you have to ball up some of your clothes in your fist.

  The initial fear has vanished with painful acceptance. You're sure that you're trapped now, being spirited away by the devil himself. Now it's nothing but thoughts about your family and friends. The life that's being ripped away from you is kind and gentle with its love and trials.

  Your eyes narrow at him. You hate him. If you could, you'd love to damage him with your hands so that he can't give you that horrifying smile anymore or to anyone ever again. The hatred you feel pours out enough that his eyes flicker over to you. All sensations drain themselves from your body but your aggressive gaze doesn't waver.

  He looks back to the dirt road in front of you. You gnash your teeth.

  'If you're going to kidnap me and destroy my phone, at least have the decency to--'

  "I'm taking you to paradise." He must be a mind reader as well. Not the answer you were expecting.

  "Excuse me?" You lift a brow.

  "Paradise," he repeats, not that it gets you any closer to understanding anything. "Where the Savior lives and cleanses all in Magenta of their sins. There is no pain or sadness. That's where I'm taking you."

  You just look at his profile, mouth agape. the amount of religious insanity that flowers from his mouth isn't even processed. this is the worst outcome because you've read and seen on the news the violent actions that such fanatics were capable of. You're frozen in place just by imagining all the methods they plan on bringing you into this cult. 

  "Okay," you trail off, voice trembling, before focusing on something else, "Your tattoo...?"

  Unknown glances down at the ink etched into his skin briefly.

  "We're called Mint Eye. This is a sign of my devotion to the organization and to the Savior."

  Your expression doesn't change. This guy's absorbed in extremist behavior.

  "So, you're saving me?" It's a hollow statement.

  "Yes." Another one of his unsettling smiles shows up and you wish you didn't say anything. "You'll be loved there. You'll be freed from your pain and sins of this world that you've indulged in."

  You cringe lightly enough that he can't notice anything. "Anything else?"

  "You'll be my assistant," he responds.

  Your eyes shift away. "With what?"

  "Mostly hacking. I'll teach you everything you need to know. Other than that...whatever I need or want from you."

  The implications make you shiver. 

  "I'll take good care of you. If you're good, I'll be sure to treat you like a princess."

  You turn away to look out the window, tears forming at the corner of your eyes. How horrible and humiliating this whole thing felt. How you want to break down right there in the passenger's seat and plead to any being to save you from all of this. You feel like you're being suffocated in this car. 

  "Who _are_ you?" You question him.

  His reflection passes you an indirect amusing look. "Feisty but I already told you don't need to know."

  "What do you want me to call you then--" You hesitate for a moment but press on despite seeing the red signs telling you stop before you accidentally agitate him. He has your little life in his hands currently. A wrong step could lead to an end words than kidnapping. "--Kidnapper."

  There's silence for a few moments. Your breath is stuck inside of you, not daring to exit for fear of disrupting the stillness between the two of you. The reflection in the window is muddled by a tall, white building that suddenly appears as the car finally comes to a halt. You momentarily forget about the conversation as your eyes sweep across the pale outside of the isolated building. The mark on Unknown's arm is glowing at the entrance of it, and your heart sinks into the cold earth at the realization that this place was to be your cage for whoever long. White and clean and only splashes of green. Cut grass that shines with promises of better days and the mere size of it has you entranced for a moment. Had you not been in the situation you were in, you'd have thought it was odd for such a well-constructed building to be so far away from the rest of civilization.

  But you're smarter than that. Solitude meant no interference.

  "I'm not your kidnapper." His breath is right against your ear and you finally notice that he's leaned in to whisper these words. You do your best not to flinch. "I'm your very own savior."

  There's a sinister chuckle that follows and then the distinct sound of the door opening up. His body blocks your view of the building as he opens the door and pulls you out of the car, without so much as asking. Not that you think he particularly cares for your opinions or feelings or personal space. Your intertwined hands make you panic internally and you gulp, an action he notices and comments upon.

  "Don't be scared. I promise. Everything will be perfect."

  Your eyes are fixed on the ground. You don't want to look. You can't look. This very sight of your captor and place of captivity are almost enough for you to clutch your head and scream until your throat runs dry and can't handle another word from you. 

  He tugs on your hands, forcing you to close the distance between you and your fate. There's no point in struggling against them even though you want to kick and claw your way to freedom despite knowing the result in the end. A sudden wave of fire washes over you; you feel somehow like a pile of sticks that have been kindled. The flame is small but it's enough for you to feel resolute in your following thought: 'I won't let you break me.'

  Whatever lies beyond these doors and seeps through the walls of this place will not take you. It won't steal yourself away and replace it with something that's not you. You feel rejuvenated suddenly and cast a dark glower at Unknown; it's defiance that emits itself from your gaze. When your eyes connect again, you don't cower from him as his eyes grow cold and dig their gaze deep into your own. 

  Then he laughs and it breaks the newly created atmosphere. You focus a bit on your surroundings and decide the outside of this building is deceiving. The walls are grey and decorated with cloth hanging from the ceiling in dark shades of red, green and purple. The final judgement that it's bland and horrible barely passes through your mind when he suddenly forces you into the last destination on your path to captivity.

  It's like an explosion of details and finery hit your senses. Walls that were grey are now black but shine against the candles that are standing in the room, showing off their patterns diamond patterns and highlighting the golden crowning that contains its own details as well. Your feet stagger along a red carpet, eyes following its path and absorbing every detail. A chair, giving off the impression of a throne, sits unoccupied at the moment on top of a short flight of maybe three stairs. Above it hands more cloth that frames the central part of the room in a box -- the simple, fake throne. Eyes were found everywhere. You want to avoid looking at them but you can't help but be curiously drawn in.

  Your body is pushed forward for a few more steps, almost causing you to fall. As you turn to snap at him, a calming voice filters through the room.

  "I see you brought her."

  It's a woman, her white robes flutter behind her softly as she seems to float ethereally across the room. Her green eyes fall on you and their seeming lack of any light; it betrays her movements, which are graceful and full of gentle light. Golden locks cascade down her shoulders and you think of the sun. All these praises are stomped on when she settles herself in her chair and her eyes lose all traces of life in them. The gaze shakes you to the core but you're not given a chance to think of anything else as Unknown kneels down before her, forcing you to awkwardly fall upon your knees as well. 

  Her eyes narrow slightly. "So, this one was a failure?"

  "Yes," he responds. "But I wanted to bring her here, Savior. To cleanse her."

  Savior?

  "..." There's no response for a moment as she studies your face before closing her eyes. "You've done well. It's important that everyone who is lost is brought into Magenta. We shall begin the welcoming ceremony, purging her of her sins."

  You feel that these words are meant to tell you of your doom and it causes you to tug your arm away from Unknown. His grip is firm and you're unsuccessful but you keep trying anyway.

  "She's resistant...Disciples!"

  The next thing you comprehend is your hand desperately trying to rip his away from you before you're surrounded by a sudden darkness of people. Cloaks of black and mint-colored eyes gaze down upon you as if you were nothing more than dirt and scum that was much better off being gone before they all reach out for you suddenly and the other grip on your hand disappears along with Unknown's form. It's so strange and twisted but you suddenly want him to turn around and come back for you. Anything but to leave you with these people that hid themselves and would do whatever unspeakable things to you.

  You don't even get a chance to scream as you're drowning in a sea of blackness, sense shut off and with them any clear depiction of what lies ahead for you. It lulls you to sleep with something being forcefully placed in your mouth, gently bringing you off the floor and carrying you away. Back and forth. 

  Back and forth. Back and forth.

  Until your eyes close shut.


	4. Medicine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie wow! Sorry for not posting lately! Exams have come for a bit and my small two day break has passed ;;; BUT I got straight to writing this chapter. It's gonna be maybe the darkest one I've written yet. I hope that I'm able to do it justice. AND I DECIDED I'M GOING TO WRITE SOME SIN FOR NEXT CHAPTER SO YEE
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR MANY THINGS:  
> \- NONCONSENSUAL DRUG USE  
> \- TORTURE (PHYSICAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL)  
> \- BLOOD  
> -VIOLENCE  
> -MILD NONCON TOUCHING (NOTHING TOO GRAPHIC)

  A shriek cuts through the silence of the basement, bolting through the empty spaces between the steel bars. But it's not yours this time. You've kicked and screamed your entire soul and sense of humanity out of your body in the days after being taken to the this darkened and lawless place.

  (Had it been days? You can't see anything aside from the darkness that surrounds you in your cell. The Savior asked that no light be presented to you for your pleasure until the full cleansing ritual had been completed and you've been purged of your earthly sins. You wanted nothing more than to have the chance to sink your teeth on the side of her neck and rip the skin apart like a beast -- like a mythical monster born from slim and all people's cruelest imaginations, a merciless animal made of various parts, a true demon in this person's paradise -- as you felt the needles do so upon your entire body. Every time one of the disciples who are hidden by an even blacker coat than the murky dark grabs you, it burns your skin, leaving behind unseeable burns on places you wish remain untouched and pure for someone who truly adored and was devoted to you.)

  You don't scream this time. It's not your strained voice that shatters your and the other disciples' ears to pieces at the raw sound of unadulterated pain. Hot liquid runs through the crevices of your teeth and you have to release your bite on the disciple's hand to cough up their blood, spotting the floor with dappled crimson. In the moment, you can still recall how soft the skin feels underneath the pressure of human teeth and how hard bone resists against something of its own likeness. How the yell of agony makes you feel horribly, horribly good. You want to hurt what is hurting you instead of shrinking into a corner and allowing such malign actions be put upon you.

  ( "Destruction is important as birth."

  It's what the Savior with hair like a lion's mane says after she comes by to see the progress and only sees the injuries you make. She touches your face and caresses. Her disciples pull her away before you are able to reach out and damage her. It's despicable of you but you want to mess her up. You want to mess up her and that mint-eyed man.

  "Destroy in self-destruction. Breath. Live once more in a different form after the ashes are swept up by the wind." )

  But they manage to sink their nails into your skin, threatening to break your own skin and mix blood. You thrash about in their grasp but there's too many of them to create enough resistance to fight your way free of their grasp. Their hands are on places you want them not to be, their murky presence sinking into what you now consider to be your pure self. You feel how your own humanity and clear sigh vanish little by little with each passing dosage of medicine.

  Your shoulders and back ache against the rough floor of the cell. Staring at the ceiling makes you want to disappear. It's beginning - the desire to give up. 

  As a hand grips at your jaw to force your face forward and your mouth to open slightly, the thick liquid is poured into your mouth and bonds with the blood you spill. Too much is forced in and you begin to choke when your throat rejects the contaminated substance. They only grunt in displeasure and leave you there on the ground as you struggle for to find breath, your gurgles produce spurts of the medicine out of your mouth but it's already integrated itself into your blood system. 

  It makes you feel good. It rips your soul from your body and dissociates all rationality from your mind. Somehow it’s blissful in its work; it’s the only time you’re thankful for its existence. It’s only beautiful when it first tears apart your fears and splashes vibrant colors in your conscience, fogging up the reality of the world around you.

  “Give yourself to me. Your Savior is here for you, my child.”

  It’s her voice. You only groan a little from the euphoria.

  “Magenta is your paradise. Everyone here will love and cherish you like your beloved family. Those that you believed to be your family have abandoned you. But, we shall adore you.”

  Did they? 

  “Take my hand, dearest child.”

  Warmth spreads across your cheek. You can’t reach for it but you manage to lean your cheek into it. You seek it out because you want to feel things that are nice and can’t bring back your proper state of mind.

  A giggle follows. So sweet.

  “Welcome to Magenta.”

* * *

 

  He looms over you when you open your eyes. Your voice doesn’t come out though. The body – your body – underneath him wiggles a little to see if you could get up to run away again. Numbing pain courses through your senses, paralyzing you in your spot.

  The bed underneath you is your only sense of comfort in this hell.

  His hand reaches out to you, brushing against your forehead to move away the stray hairs that stick to your hair from the sweat produced from the drugs. Fear permeates out from your chest. He must feel it because he chooses this time to smile down at you.

  “The Savior has decided to trust in my judgement. You will be my assistant from now on. And I’ll—“ His touch on your cheek makes you want to flinch. “Treat you like a princess.”

* * *

 

  The days pass like so:

  Wake up. Eat. Make him eat. Organize paperwork. Visit from the Savior. More work. Eat again. Hacking lessons from Unknown. Sleep. Repeat.

  It’s tiring and monotone. You’ve lost your sense of time even if you take an occasional glance over at the time. But you keep your mouth shut for the most time ever since you found out that aggression wouldn’t go unpunished with him. His grips are far too contrasting with the promise of your treatment and leave darkened marks. You learn the boundaries that you establish for each other.

  You have your own bed in his room. He has no issue with you eating and drinking and sleeping at your desired times so long as you work efficiently and keep your behavior in check. His affection comes with a requirement: control. He enjoys the feeling of caring for you because that means that he is able to control you – your actions and health.

  It disgusts you but your mouth stays ever silent. You don’t act out of your turn except for today. 

  He gently thrusts a stack of papers in your face. You blink but accept them anyway, sifting through them to discover it’s a compilation of people’s profiles. Your heart sinks but rage lifts itself up and overtakes you. 

  You’re in for another present when you promptly throw the stack of papers at him, white parchments scattering around. His eyes are flaming and his hand emerges from the paper storm to grip onto your upper arm, advancing on you. Instinctively, you back away from him, back slamming into the wall and momentarily dizzying you. His other hand comes up to grip lightly onto your neck, thumb pressing slightly down on the windpipe. 

  “We’ve been through this already, haven’t we?” Unknown questions in a cheerful voice. You can only manage to squeak out a whimper. “You do not ever act this way towards me! You should be thankful it’s me and I’m feeling good today. Otherwise, the disciples would have been through that door to take you to another session with the medicine. You—“

  “—Don’t understand.”

  He’s surprised when you find a way to push your voice past his thumb.

  “What was that?”

  Your voice is strained but you force it out. “I’m angry…When I see them.”

  A confused expression appears on his face. He inspects your face and you take the silence as a sign to keep going.

   
  “They’re for who’s supposed to go the apartment, right? You’re picking someone else, right? They’re just another me, and if they do what you want, then they’re even better. A success.”

  Your hand comes up to grasp at his hand that is frozen at your neck.

  “I’m just a failure in this whole thing. If someone else like that exists, then there’s no reason for me to be alive.”

  Alive…Yes. Why are you alive? Growing up hasn’t taught you anything about that. You live for…what was it again? It feels warm and special but you cannot exactly place where this sense of purpose comes from.

  “If it was just going to be like that…I wish you had just killed me instead.”

  A heavy silence comes to life between the two of you, your hand still on top of his. His face was so close to yours, allowing you to be stay locked with his eyes. Something flickers through them but you don’t know what it could be. The lack of oxygen was making it difficult to think properly.

  Just as you prepare to ask him to lift his hand from you throat, he does so. Even his grip on your arm releases itself. Cold fingertips brush against your reddened cheeks and you freeze without another thought.

  “You are my assistant,” he speaks, voice taking on a tone that seemed genuine but you don’t fall for such a thing completely.

  Everything here looks and sounds lovely but the reality is that it will be always be a double-edged knife, prepared to stab you in the back when you relax for just a moment 

  “I told you I’d treat you so good. I’m much better than him, right?” You only nod, not understanding still. “These thoughts that you have are concerning. It looks as if I haven’t been doing everything needed. Rest assured, princess, that you won’t disappear even if this other person succeeds. You…

_You are mine.”_


	5. Connection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's literally just some light sin that I wrote to apologize for taking so long with chapter updates! But I already have some ideas for new chapters, so I should be able to get to those sooner than this one!

You expect Saeran to still want control even when it comes to displays of affection between the both of you. But he is not, you find. Or perhaps he is holding back.

  
Confusion clouds your mind as you spare a quick glance over at your hand that is intertwined with his and see your dull reflection in the ring on your finger. It’s been a few months since the marriage. He’s gentle and doesn’t press anything with you – even physical love.

  
It perplexes you even as you divert your attention back onto his neck and trail light kisses on his skin. You can feel him sigh. He can probably tell how nervous you are because it’s been almost a month and this will be your first time with him. He’s also letting you initiate everything. This just makes you even more anxious.

  
“Saeran,” you whisper his name before kissing him on his lips.

  
He hums in response underneath you. You pull away slightly, locking eyes with him the dim light.

  
“Are you afraid?”

  
Your breath ghosts over his lips. He pauses, not breaking his gaze from you. “Why are you asking?”

  
“Because I can tell. It’s fine. I promise. It’ll be fine. If you want…”

  
Your name leaves his lips. His hands move down your sides and rest firmly at your hips. Slowly, he uses his weight to switch your positions, your back sinking into the mattress and your legs getting wrapped up in the sheets. You reach up your hand to cup his face. He presses himself into it before leaning down and kissing you once…

  
Twice...

  
Thr—

  
This one presses itself so deep onto your lips that you let out a pained gasp. It’s passionate and demanding. You can feel Saeran reaching out for you and pulling you so close to him that it burns your skin. It pours into you: his loneliness, his attachment, his affections, his intensity.

  
He does this a few more times, only pulling back to allow you both a quick gulp of air before diving right back in. His lips move themselves down to your neck, nibbling at the exposed skin and that’s all it takes for you to turn you head to show off more to him. His breath lingers over the place where you neck and shoulder meet before he sinks his teeth into you.

  
You flinch and let out an embarrassing sound. It catches you both off guard that you both freeze simultaneously.

  
“Oh my ffff-“ You breath out in a short hiss, covering your face with your arm.

  
This moment of intimacy proves itself to be embarrassing in its attempt to show off aspects about yourself that neither of you are aware of. You puff out your cheeks. Saeran chuckles and you shoot him an annoyed expression.

  
“Don’t laugh while you’re biting me. It feels so weird.”

  
This only causes him to laugh more before releasing you and burying his laughs in your chest. You let out a groan, making to sit up. He stops laughing, hands coming up to gently latch onto your shoulder and pushing you down. In the next second, he’s hovering over you with a slightly amused twinkle in his eye.

  
“Who said you could get up?” He asks, moving to grasp your wrists and placing them about your head.

  
“If you’re just going to laugh, then I’d rather just go find pleasure in a late night snack,” you reply before sticking your tongue out at him. He responds by giving you a playful kiss.

  
Your mind goes hazy; logic being overtaken with physical sense.

  
‘I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.’ You want to tell him desperately but the words become jumbled up with his name and other sounds.

  
Your eyes can’t see him clearly in the room, but you know you’re not separated by anything. You reach out for him and miss horribly, giving a short huff, which brings forth another laugh from him. After another second, you find your grip on his back, digging your nails into his skin because for as much as you want to tell him that you’re here with him, you also want him to tell you this as well.

  
Even if you let him have control, you want to be selfish too. You want both of you to have the freedom to be selfish with each other a bit. To take a bit from each other without harming one another. He can take your love and security and kisses. And you can take his. It's an oddly self-absorbed yet selfless way you want to love. Giving and taking without anything blocking you both. Maybe you're selfish in wishing for such things. 

His movements are rough and desperate almost. He's like you. You're both reaching out for each other, so close to intertwining hands in the darkness. With each calculated movement echoing out with your quickening heartbeats, the distance between your fingertips lessen. Growing smaller and smaller before you connect finally and unending depth bursts forth in your minds. 

Panting, Saeran moves to lay down beside him but you grab onto his face and give him a light kiss as you both come down from your shared moment. He returns it softly before gathering you up in his arms and laying down on his side. You snuggle close to him as he places light kisses on your forehead and runs a hand through your hair.

"Hey, Saeran?"

"Hm?"

"I was just thinking--"

_"Oh God."_

"Don't be like that! I _wanted_ to say that I was just thinking that maybe we want to be careful when we do this."

"Why's that?"

"Because we can't lie if Saeyoung asks anymore!"

"..."

"..."

"Go to sleep."

_"Saeran, no."_


End file.
